Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
