If i come over, it means nothing
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You ruined the universe
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
