Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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