the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
