This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
