I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
