your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
