just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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