All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
