worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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