so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
