just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
