I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
