mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
