Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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