I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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