I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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