Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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