So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
