google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
