i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
