i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My penis needs a shock collar
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
