It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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