tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
