dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
