haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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