you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
