Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
