Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
