There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
