"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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