I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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