I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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