no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
