Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
