How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
