I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
