8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
