I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
