you win again, gameday.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
