Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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