I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
