Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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