MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
