The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
