and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
