What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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