Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
last night I used snow as a chaser
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
