I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
