fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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