he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
