how can u be prego again
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
