making cat noises will not fix the situation.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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