I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
