Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
