i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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