i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
