Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
