if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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