insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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