FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
