I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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