it was like fucking gandolphs beard
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
