She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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