I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
