I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
