The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize