if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
