Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
