and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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