All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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