ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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