Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
