My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
