I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
