Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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