what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
