Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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