On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
